The Struggle Within

Were I able to extend
An open hand
Inviting exchange
Welcoming connection.

My hand is not an open hand
Instead clenched across my chest
A fist wound to strike
Covering a wounded heart.

My eyes look down
At that fist with knuckles white
Inward, ever inward
No feeling can escape.

Instead the fury of my emotions
Swirls ever tighter within this heart
I cannot hear the cries for help
Only the pounding in my chest.

Within, ever within
While my fist shakes in anger
My emotions tightly drawn inside
Nothing will escape.

Defiant eyes survey my opponent
Equally postured
Equally defiant
Equally wounded.

I reject, withdraw
He follows my every move – perfectly
Who is this opponent
Who allows me no defense?

Defiant eyes look back
And there is recognition
I’ve seen those eyes before
Do they belong to me?
Am I my own opponent?

So sad; so serious
We bear the burden of our fury
Placed heavily on broad shoulders
By ourselves, only by ourselves.

Our eyes still locked…but wait
With ever so faint
A smile forms
And is returned.

Defiance dissolves in momentary truce
Anger relents
Amidst the humor of our folly
I see this enemy within.

A child looks back
His tongue stuck out
He cries because he cannot play
There is no danger…should I let him?

My fist becomes an open hand
Extended outward from my heart
I am at peace – there is no threat
No enemy within.

That goofy kid just wants to play
And I know he can
That goofy kid became a man
And I know who I am.